Pretending…

8 05 2012

I saw a quote today that grabbed my attention. “Please if you are reading this and are not convinced that you should think in a more diverse way….go buy the movie “Prayers for Bobby.” I want you to watch that movie as if it were you and this Bobby was your son. If at the end of that true story you do not feel changed in some way….well I believe it may be too late for you to live in the way life was intended to be.” It got my attention because I never thought I would have a queer kid. NEVER. I was raised in the south and was southern Baptist two-thirds of my life. I was taught that being queer (only we used the word ‘homosexual’ then) was a choice and was a sin. I carried that belief with me most of my life.

About five years ago I began to wonder if that was actually true. I had met several gay people at that point and they seemed like good people. I even knew a few who claimed to be Christian – now that REALLY confused me. One day while standing in the deacon’s office at church I noticed a copied piece of blue paper. It was folded like a card and on the front it said “What Jesus had to say about homosexuality”. It caught my attention – but it also brought up that familiar feeling of fear that I felt right in my gut every time this issue came up around me. I was too uncomfortable to actually open it up and look. It haunted me for months – every time I walked by her door I thought of it. Then one day I walked by, the door was open and no one was in the office. I quickly popped inside – opened that card – and it was BLANK!! BLANK I tell you!!! My mind was reeling then!! Jesus said things about homosexuality – I KNOW He did. I was taught it all my life and I had seen those scriptures.

Well, that was the beginning of my own research and exploration on the matter. I have always heard the phrase “God works in mysterious ways”. I have no idea what I would’ve thought if I had known then that it would be only a few short years and my own son would come out as Bisexual. Dang – I didn’t even know what bisexual was!!!

Remember that fear in my gut I mentioned earlier? When I heard the words “bisexual” in the same sentence with my son’s name – that fear became a fist that felt like it went all the way from my belly button to my spine. I couldn’t breath – all while trying to pretend on the outside I was OK… but more on that story tomorrow…

Yep – all those years before, I had no idea that my son WAS “bobby”. Maybe when he was two years old and was playing football in his sister’s pink tutu I should’ve had a bit of a clue. Sometimes I just think it is easier to keep your head in the sand – well, easier until your head is suddenly ripped out of the sand into the blinding sunlight! Although – the light is the source of life – so once my eyes adjusted I found out I could actually see the truth and the truth could be a wonderful thing.

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2 responses

11 05 2012
Echo Myers

hahaha two years old playing foot ball in a tutu….i love this michele. you are being so open and honest and actually pointing out flaws you have had. you are a very inspirational woman and i truely mean it when i say you have caused me to be a better person.

12 05 2012
michelesmusings

I have video of it – wish I had a still shot so I could post it! He was a cute little booger. Thanks Echo – I am a pretty honest person. I think being around people that try pretend they have it all together just makes me want to be more that way. I think this world would be such a happier place if we would all just be real!

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