What would I have done?

9 08 2012

We have a video of my son when he was two years old. He is wearing his sister’s pink tutu and running around with a football. It is a cute video…but whenever I see it I wonder why I never considered that he might not be straight? I just don’t think my mind would go there.

One day when my son was about six years old, my husband said to me, “you realize our son is in the two highest gay sports there are? Gymnastics and Figure Skating?”. We laughed. Then a few days later he had my Victoria Secret catalog on the couch and when I asked what he was doing he said, “I like looking at naked women, Mama.” OK – whew – relief – crisis averted.

Have you seen this: Letter from a dad to his unborn son? It is so beautiful – and really expresses the sentiments I would say now, but not what I would’ve said back then, unfortunately.

If I had somehow known when pregnant or even his first years of life that he was bisexual – I probably would’ve bought into every claim for a “cure”. I would’ve made sure NOT to be an overbearing mother and to make sure his father spent tons of time with him. Those are the first myths out there… what other myths would I have bought into at the risk of hurting my child? It really scares the shit out of me to be honest, because now I know the truth about the damage done to individuals. I know how harmful all that “reparative therapy” actually is!

Now, that I am on the OTHER side of the issue – I really do not understand why this particular issue is one that draws so much fear in people. I really know for me – it was fear that motivated me. I would’ve claimed it was God – YES – I was one of those Christians. Gosh – it makes me sick to my stomach even typing that now. It is the truth though. This issue divides people – it divides families, churches, countries. It is a HUGE issue. I don’t have the answers either.

All I know is that I love my son with everything I am and accept him 100% exactly as he is. Well, I would be happier if he picked up after himself more…but since he is moving soon that is a moot point. As far as who he chooses to love – I have prayed my kids entire lives that no matter who they pick, that I will love them too. I just didn’t know back then how big of a circle of people who would encompass!

This issue may divide families – but NOT this family. It has been a source of drawing us all together from the day he came out. I don’t have all the answers, but I do know this, I love all of my children and want them to know I will fight for them until the day I no longer breathe air. That is a promise.

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2 responses

11 08 2012
sean

hey girl thats a good one

20 08 2012
rainbowicecream

thanks Sean – Love you!

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