“I have gay friends…”

14 08 2012

I am going to post about something that I find confusing. I may be over-thinking but I find it really odd. It seems like 9 out of 10 times that someone is bashing gays and gets called out about it that they often reply, “I like gay people, I have gay friends…” Like that somehow glosses over what they said.

I am honestly confused by this. First of all – if you are saying a group of people do not deserve the same rights as you do and that they are “living in sin” or insert any insult you want in this slot – you are NOT being a friend to them. You may know some gay people – but I assure you they probably do not consider you a “friend”. I mean flip the tables around – if they were putting you down how long would you be their friend? I hope not long.

I think this shows a few things. First of all, they obviously do not even realize the things they are saying are hurtful and non-friendly. It is hard to believe, but it must be so. Secondly, I really do think they believe what they are saying and hearing to be truth. They really do think the bible condemns homosexuality. I don’t want to get into a biblical debate – but if you want to do some research on your own click here: Bible verses  I have done research – remember – I used to be a Christian who believed homosexuality is a sin and a choice. I am so glad that God still speaks today and we can find the truth if we want to seek it.

Back on subject – I like bunny trails – can you tell?!! These people really do believe they have the truth and they are acting out of “love”. Let me explain. When I was a teenager one summer I went to a camp – a southern baptist camp – and they used scripture to show us that it was our responsibility to bring our friends to Christ. OK – seems innocent enough – but they went on to show scripture that talks about blood being poured on our hands if we did not. I was told that EVERY person I sit by in class, see walking down the street, work with, etc… that did not know Christ, if I didn’t witness to them and they end up in hell, then when I get to heaven their blood will be poured on my hands. If I did not speak up and witness to everyone I meet, then each of their eternal lives were in my hands. If they spent eternity in hell it would be MY fault. I realize you don’t know me very well, but I LOVE people, so I took this very seriously. I had nightmares about it for years.

So, in some warped way, these people believe they are trying to “save the gays”. It makes me feel a bit sorry for them really, and angry. I am a bit angry that I was taught these things at an impressionable age – and that these types of teachings are still going on today. Jesus gave two commandments – Love God with your whole heart and Love your neighbor as yourself. I am not sure why the “fear based” teachings are still so prevalent.

So, next time someone says to me – “I have gay friends…” after saying something homophobic – I am gonna remind them what being a friend really is:

The value of friendship is often the result of friends consistently demonstrating the following:

  • The tendency to desire what is best for the other
  • Sympathy and empathy
  • Mutual understanding and compassion; ability to go to each other for emotional support
  • Enjoyment of each other’s company
  • Trust in one another
  • Positive reciprocity — equal give-and-take between the two parties
  • The ability to be oneself, express one’s feelings and make mistakes without fear of judgement.



3 responses

15 08 2012
Michael Harmuth

Michelle- in my generation it was: “I’m not prejudice, I have friends who are negroes…” Its rationalization of their ignorance. I mean hey, I have friends who are Republicans. ;-D …Michael

20 08 2012

Michael – great analogy – and I used to be a Republican – so give them some time! HAHA

3 10 2012

Great point. I’m still looking for this gay who wanders around and befriends homophobes everywhere and tells them that their homophobic views are ok…

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