My Transformation Part 1

22 08 2012

I am often asked how I went from a person who thought homosexuality was a choice and a sin to where I am today. Today I know without a single doubt,  homosexuality is NOT a choice and therefore it can not be a sin. I can only speak to my own transition and story. I have no idea if it in any way can help anyone else change. I can only tell how it happened for me.

Growing up, I experienced quite a bit of racism, sexism, and homophobia. Is everyone in the south that way? Absolutely not! I do not know if it was the area I lived in or just the people I had around me – but it was common place. I think it was even deeper than that though. People were judged not only by the things I listed above, but if you were singled out for any reason, it would be a source of ridicule and shame. I felt a lot of pressure to drive the “right” car, and of course it better be clean! Pressure to wear the “right” clothes, have the “right “hair, hang out with the “right” people. Hence began the dilemma for me – I have never cared one bit about any of those things. I would never choose a friend based on any of those things, to me it just seems silly. Honestly, if someone didn’t want to hang out with me because I am fat, or drive a van with a dent in the back, then honestly it is mutual – I don’t care to hang around with you either.

Growing up I was raised in a southern Baptist house. I was taught that homosexuality was a sin and a choice. Above that I was also told it was a perversion and that these people were “sick”. Sometimes people who have never heard these types of things wonder how someone can take homosexuality to an extreme and think if someone is gay then they must also be a pedophile or want to have sex with animals, etc… It seems so far-fetched, but let me tell you, if you are told these things as a young impressionable child by adults you respect – it just IS truth to you. Period.

There was something inside of me – something that always twinged when I heard a racist joke or a slander of any kind. I guess it just “goes against my grain” so to speak. The other day at the tattoo shop the artist was saying derogatory things about “little people”. He used the word “midget” several times, even after being told it was a derogatory term. He made some crude jokes and I was honestly ready to walk out of the door. I was there with a friend so I didn’t – but if I had been the one getting the tattoo (which he hadn’t started yet) I probably would have gotten up and left. I just do NOT tolerate putting down anyone for any reason very well. I have always had a heart for human rights I suppose.

I think one of the reasons I changed was moving up North. Again – please do not take this the wrong way – there are MANY wonderful people in the south that I love dearly. I think up here we are much more worried about surviving the winter than to care if anyone has on the “right” clothes or drives the “right” car. In Montana there seems to be a much more “live and let live” mentality in general. It was here that I first heard a Christian say they supported the LGBT community. I was honestly shocked. I had always assumed us “Christians” were all on the same side of the issue. I mean it is plain and simple in the book was use as our syllabus!! The bible says it is wrong… right?! WRONG! That is when I truly changed and I really started my transformation from a Christian who used God as an excuse to “hate” one entire group of our population. The bible MUST be researched in the times and culture it was written. I am actually now embarrassed about all the verses I ignored while holding the ones that say homosexuality is a sin so near and dear to my heart. I think the truth is that the thought of gay sex grossed me out so it was easy to want to believe it was wrong. I wonder why it grossed me out? Well, a young kid is grossed out about ANY sex – period – so tell them the gory details of gay sex while they are at that impressionable age – and that sticks with you. I don’t think anyone EVER was born homophobic, or racist, or sexist. These things are taught, without a doubt.

to be continued…




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