3 10 2012

A Letter to my “friend”:

Dear friend – in fact you were my best friend for years. We have watched each other’s children grow up and get married. We have laughed together and cried together. We have spent countless hours praying together. Other than my husband, if there was another soul on this earth whom I felt would never betray me – it was you. You can imagine my shock and disbelief recently when I found out that was not the case.

When my precious boy Jake came out as bisexual, it took me weeks to tell you. Because of your conservative religious views I didn’t know if I could trust you with that information – I now know my gut feeling was right. Way back then, years ago, I decided “If she really loves me and we really are friends then this will not affect our friendship.” I told you and were supportive and wonderful. You even exclaimed to me that you believe in your heart “people are born that way”.

Imagine my shock to find out you told people: “why does she have to wear that button? I mean I don’t go around wearing a button that says ‘I love my heterosexual kids’ ” I will explain the reason I feel wearing this button is important. First of all – it was a “coming out” of sorts for me as the mom of a queer kid. I mean it is one thing to tell my child I love him no matter what – but it is an entirely different situation to step out in the open and tell the world by wearing this small button. Is it the end all be all? NO – but it is a beginning. A beginning of my coming to terms with my own demons. It is often said that when one’s child comes out of the closet then the parents go into the closet. This was certainly true for me. Beginning to wear this button was one of the ways I began to step forward. It is a representation of my love for my son, but it is also a sign for all the people I come into contact with whose parents have not yet emerged from the closet. My prayer is that it gives them hope that one day they will again feel the love and acceptance they hope for from their own parents – and in the meantime I will give them all the love and support as a “mama” that I can. I also believe this button can give other parents courage to step forward in support of their children.

I feel NO shame at loving my son exactly as he is. No person, church, religious group or institution could ever shame me into wishing him to be different or shame me into not being 100% supportive of him. No family member, no priest or preacher, no friend – NO ONE will ever drag me to that place of shame again. Do you want to know why? Because the shame attached to being LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, or Transgender) or the parent of a LGBT person is a made up phenomenon – it only exists in people’s minds. It isn’t real – never has been, never will be. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being different. We are all born our unique selves, and if a heterosexual didn’t choose their sexuality, then quit assuming any other sexuality is a choice. It is preposterous! So, get over it – like NOW!! If you are a LGBT person or the parent of one (and you may not even know it yet) just remember these words – if anyone has a problem with it – it is THEIR problem. We don’t have to carry that around.

So, back to my friend – you need to do the bravest thing EVER and delve deep inside of yourself and discover why you have such a strong prejudice that you allow your bigoted, racist, homophobic husband to influence you over and over again. My daughter misses her friend whom he has not allowed to play with since her brother came out. Here is the truth, friend, this is NOT about my son, this is NOT about me wearing or not wearing buttons or marching in Pride parades – this is about YOU. You can use these things as excuses, but what you should ask yourself is why in the world does what happens at our house bother you and your family so much? Why in the world would me wearing a button stir such disgust in you that you would bash your best friend and her kids? Because honey, I know one thing – this is NOT about me – and this will not be the only time you are confronted with this. You will have to face it either now or later. Homosexuality is not going away. More and more people are coming out of the closet and more and more parents are speaking up. You can deal with your issues about it now or later – but you will deal with them one way or another – because there will be an army of buttons eventually.





2 responses

3 10 2012

You have a very lucky child.

5 10 2012

your son is very lucky to have a mother like you

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