A Mother’s Heart

27 11 2012

When my kids were little, it seemed so hard to be on their sleep schedule, which was very little sleep in general. I always just thought – “these are the hard years”. I really thought getting them grown was going to be the big accomplishment. Eighteen years and I would have accomplished my big feat – I would’ve survived – I could move on to other things.

Some of that is true I suppose. I have two grown children are have turned out to be some of the most amazing folks I have ever met!! Where I was wrong is that the hard part is over. What people try to tell you, but you don’t really comprehend until you become a parent is how much that little being wraps themselves around your heart. The older they get, the ties that bind you do not become less binding – in many ways it grows even stronger, although it changes, the love you have for them remains just as strong and binding.

As with any relationship where you truly love another person, when they hurt, you hurt. I actually think seeing them hurting is more painful than anything in my own life that gives me pain.

I told my husband the other night, “don’t you miss the days when we could easily console them. Some sugar and a few minutes on one of our laps, and then they would be off running.” I wish I could take away the pain, and make it all better. Once they are grown, we have to realize that is no longer our job. My job is to be supportive and love them through whatever they go through. I intend to continue doing that for the rest of my life. I also know this hurt won’t last forever. Not only do we hurt when they hurt, we get to revel in their joyful times as well. I am looking forward to more joyful times soon – hopefully!

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Love

18 11 2012

I wish I had something profound or fabulous to write about today. I wish I could gather up that feeling deep inside me and put it into words. I wish I could convey to you the feeling of talking to someone who has been rejected by their family and friends when they came out to them. The pain and hurt in their eyes. The confusion that their parents would spend their whole lives teaching them to love God and others and then to reject them whole heartedly. Or even the pain when someone tells you they have hidden who they actually are for their entire life because they couldn’t face who they were themselves, much less come out to anyone else.

All because of who they love. Since putting words around it all is impossible – I can just hope and pray that everyone will one day be able to experience it themselves – then hearts would be softened and people would listen to others and actually hear them. Then hopefully the hurting and judgement will stop – because once you have seen and felt another’s pain for yourself – then you can never go back to the way you were before.





Things I have learned from LGBT friends and family

14 11 2012

As a straight person, I have learned a lot from LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) people. Probably the most important thing I have learned is that it is OK to not know all the right words or terminology. I used to be afraid, and still am at times, that I will say something offensive. I can honestly say that even speaking the word “lesbian” felt awkward and uncomfortable for me at first. It is now a normal part of speech around our house, but it never used to be.

As a straight person who had never been around or interacted with LGBT people – I sometimes feel as if I have entered a different universe. The truth is – they are not much different from the rest of us in every area – except who they love. There really is not some big chasm between all of us – at the root of it all, we are all just people doing the best we can with the hand we have been dealt. So, if you wonder something 0r want to know  something – Just ask!! They would much be asked than us just make our own assumptions.

I have learned quite a bit about myself – that I have a lot of insecurities and things that I see as flaws that I try to cover up or hide – that others find just fine in me. Much like a LGBT person being accepted for exactly who they are at this moment – that is what I want too. I am far from perfect, I take things too personally, I overreact sometimes, I have a temper and say nasty things, I judge people by outward appearances. All of these stem from experiences of feeling rejected and feeling like I wasn’t good enough at different times in my past. We all have our traumas and negative life experiences to work through and heal from. The beginning of this healing has to start with us accepting ourselves, that doesn’t mean we just make excuses and stay stuck – but it does mean we forgive ourselves when we mess up and try to learn from it.

I have seen so many friends struggle with accepting their sexuality and accepting who they are. I have heard so many talk about all the years they prayed that God would take their same-sex attractions away and make them straight. There are enough horror stories out there about all the of “pray away the gay” programs that we all know they are a farce. One’s sexuality is inherent and who they are – it can not be “cured”. It is amazing to watch a person blossom once they begin to accept who they are and love themselves anyway. The healing begins and they begin to grow into the beautiful person they are designed to be.

I think that is what we all need – to love ourselves, no matter our sexual orientation or what our past traumas or issues are. We can forgive those who have hurt us, not for their sake, but for ours, quit beating ourselves up and trying to fit the molds that society is trying to put us in, and begin to love ourselves right now today! Let the healing begin and we can begin to grow into the lovely people who are lurking inside just waiting to be shown to the world.

You are beautiful – right now today – gay or straight, fat or thin, old or young – our beauty is what is deep inside of us and spills out onto the rest of the world. Let’s start letting beauty and acceptance of ourselves and others overflow all over the world. It will change us and those around us – we should being right now!





Dogs

12 11 2012

This morning as I watched our dogs greet us I was overcome with the joy they were showing. I can’t help but wonder what the world would be like if we all loved as unconditionally and were as forgiving as our dogs.

Wouldn’t it be a beautiful place to be?





Change

8 11 2012

Sometimes I feel like I have moved into a new universe. It is funny how we change and grow through life. Of course, we all know people who have not grown. People who are stagnant. I personally don’t enjoy change much – it always feels a bit painful to me. I am slowly learning to embrace change though – because it feels much more painful to stay stuck. I don’t want to let the things that hold me back – the fears and insecurities that I battle with – keep me from growing to be the real true Michele that I am intended to be. What happens to us? Life happens. We are imperfect people raised and surrounded by other imperfect people. Traumas, disappointments and hurts begin shaping us into something we are not. Then it seems we spend the rest of our life trying to unload all of that garbage and find ourselves again.

As much as I don’t appreciate change while I am experiencing it – I most certainly do NOT want or desire to be stuck right here where I am now! One area of my life I probably need to work on is being more compassionate about people who are stuck. The fear they are experiencing must be HUGE. They complain and gripe about the exact same thing for years – yet do nothing to change it or move on. I don’t really have much respect for that. Hell – I know it is hard! I know it won’t be an overnight fix, and even those of us who have changed sometimes go back and find ourselves in those weird places again – but at least try for God’s sake!

I should connect this with something relevant to Rainbow Ice Cream – since that is why you read this blog. I saw a video yesterday that hit the nail on the head. If you are a Christian who continues to say that homosexuality is a choice and a sin and you keep quoting the scriptures that pertain to homosexuality in the bible – STOP! Good grief people – those scriptures have been thrown into LGBT people and their families faces too many times to count them. One more reading and “lecture” from you is NOT going to suddenly make us wake up and smell your roses!!!

This young man went on to say that until you have read the bible with the study guides that explain the original greek or hebrew and explain the culture and times it was all written in – then do not even discuss it with him. I feel that same way. I am finished having discussions with people who want to use the bible to bash people and are not willing to do their work on the truth. These people may say they take the bible literally, but they do not. I assure you that they are not out stoning non virgins on their wedding nights, they probably eat shellfish, and wear mixed fiber clothing. I doubt the women are covering their heads before going into church either. But by God they cling to these gay bashing scriptures as if their lives depended on it!!! I have a theory – because as a young kid they were taught that homosexuals did perverted sex acts – and when we are kids – sex in general is gross – so add in a sex act that doesn’t make sense and BAM! Gay people are deviants!

UGH – I am so sick and tired of it all. It is so untrue. What is true is that the people who should be loving the very most – the people of faith – are the ones judging and hating the most. It just makes me so angry!! People who argue and change their story and defend their point until it doesn’t even make sense anymore – because they can’t be honest that they may just not know EVERYthing.

I will quit ranting and leave this on a good note now – 9 states plus Washington DC now have legal marriage for everyone – regardless of gender!!! Ten different places that same-sex couples can get married if they choose!! This happened in our recent election – the 1st time in our countries history that the people chose to pass these laws themselves. I think things are changing!! I think the bigoted, bible thumping, blaming their homophobia on God people are beginning to be a minority in this country. Change isn’t always an easy process while we are going through it – but in the end – we are always so glad we stuck it out and saw it to the end!! This will be the same – even though it is not easy to keep fighting the fight – one day we will know it was all worth it!! We will leave the world a better place for our kids and grandkids!