Prodigal Son

20 12 2012

My son is home for Christmas! He moved to the east last September. He left a hole here – sometimes it feels as big as the Grand Canyon. We have done pretty well of adapting to life with him gone. We have “moved on” as much as a family can when a member moves away. We have fallen into a new swing of things, but he was missed, every day.

Yet, there is always a joy at seeing someone you love blossom and bloom and follow their dreams. We are happy for him as well. I do not love my son more than my daughters, but as all mom’s know – there a special and unique bond with each child. My son is the most like me of my three children. He is often loud and can be dogmatic at getting his point across. Yes – I can own up to that. Two people who way can butt heads – and we have plenty! Of all of my children, my son caused me to grow the most. If you met my girls – you would understand – they are much more compliant, in fact, they do a pretty good job of parenting themselves. They have an inherit gene to watch how things are to be done and then to do them that way. They get that from my husband.

When I was growing up, I was the difficult child in our family. I was just plain awful most of the time. I rebelled at every chance I was given – just give me a rule and I would find a way to break it. I can still remember my Mama saying, “One day you will have a kid just like you – and then you will understand!”, in exasperation. I exhausted her. I didn’t have a kid like me – I had a kid 100 times more rebellious than I was. Imagine… Karma I suppose!

I love this kid so much though, and am so grateful for all of the things I was forced to face about myself as a person through parenting him. I have a friend, Bob, who says, “Our children force us to face our own issues”. That has been true for me through the years. I had to overcome my own fear of homosexuality – and that was a big one. I didn’t know it was a fear at the time, I truly just thought I was following the Bible. Now, that I have done the research and realize the bible’s original meaning in these “bashing scriptures” we all hear, I now know the bible was just an excuse so I didn’t have to face my fear of something or someone “different” in a way I did not understand.

I am so grateful for the growth I have had over the years because of having the blessing of being Jake’s mom. I can tell my growing isn’t over since he is talking of moving to a foreign country – one where they do not protect LBGT people with their laws and in fact they are often killed. I can not imagine my life without this kid in it – yet he isn’t a kid anymore. Somehow since September, he became a man. It isn’t my decision anymore – it is his – and I will just keep growing I suppose… and continuing to let go.

 

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