What if…

30 04 2013

What if as Christians we have it wrong? What if we have it wrong like when we used the bible to keep women from having the right to vote or hold jobs or not stay home and wait on their husbands?

What if as Christians we have it wrong? What if we have it wrong like when we used the bible to defend slavery? The bible clearly states in Ephesians 6:5: “Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ.” And that is a NEW testament verse I might add.

What if Christians have it wrong? What if we use the bible to discriminate against homosexuality?

What if…



29 04 2013

I used to think it would be great if there was a test that absolutely, scientifically proved that people were born gay. Even though I have since seen some scientific evidence along these lines, I now think it is a terrible idea. Can you imagine the dilemma it would present for someone who believes both homosexuality and abortion are wrong? Ok – I admit that I am being a little sarcastic here, but I am also being dead serious. What would a person do in that situation? Talk about being between a rock and a hard place.

I remember back when I believed homosexuality to be a choice, I would always think: “there is no proof people are born that way!” What I didn’t realize in my ignorance is that there is plenty of proof. I had the misperception that being gay was all about partying and sleeping around and orgies or something. That made the “choice” theory make a lot of sense to me. Just like people choose to party instead of going to classes in college, right? It was about being rebellious and having fun. Dang – I was so stupid, it is frankly embarrassing.

I have proof people are born gay. What proof you ask? Well, I now actually know and talk to gay people. Imagine – getting information from the actual source instead of just gossip! (Novel idea!) No, it is not just a matter of taking their word for it, it is the stories they tell. It is the pain and healing I see in their eyes. It is the process of watching someone evolve. All of these things have proven to me without a shadow of a doubt that they are not choosing to be gay. Who in the hell would choose to be rejected by friends and family and much of society? To be discriminated against at work? To have to hide who you are from people? No one would choose those things.

But to make myself perfectly clear – even though in the beginning, I would have wished my son not be bisexual, I would not change a thing now. I hope every lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender person and their family can one day feel the same way. Because I have learned more about loving people and loving myself through this journey of acceptance than through any other journey I have had in my life. And to quote a Meme from Facebook “I have seen some shit”. So, if it took my son coming out as bisexual to help me learn to love with more honesty and passion and selflessness, then by God I would not change a thing. Not to mention that he is just absolutely pretty dang fantastic exactly as he is!!

A Parent’s Love…

17 04 2013

As a parent, I can not imagine anything that would keep me from loving my kids. Maybe all parents love their kids, they just don’t accept them. There is a large percentage of LGBT kids and adults who have been rejected by one or both parents. I meet them all the time. Every single story breaks my heart, both for the parents and their children. It is really a no win situation for everyone.

I guess, as a parent, I wonder what would be stronger than your love for your child. Let me tell you right up front – I do not know the answer. I do know for me that it was hard when my son came out – but I wanted desperately to understand it all. That is why I started seeking out answers. Answers from Christians who are open and affirming of LGBT people, answers from people I trusted, basic information on what bisexuality means – I had no clue.

Maybe that is another clue – what would keep them so fearful that they wouldn’t want to figure it out. It is almost like they are stuck in quicksand or something. The draw to stay stuck seems stronger than the love that would propel them to move forward into education. Maybe it is a deep fear of what people will think? Maybe they already feel inadequate so they are afraid this will reflect that they were not a good parent? Maybe they really are so wrapped up in themselves that they can’t put their child’s feelings above their own?

I make them sound selfish, and I don’t mean to. I just don’t get it. I do not understand. Maybe they have such a deep belief that God thinks it is wrong, that they fear for their own salvation if they condone or approve of what they consider “sinful” or “unacceptable” behavior. Maybe they are not even religious, but culture norms are so engrained in them that the idea of homosexuality disgusts them?

I don’t have the answers. I wish I did. Because today as the world continues to turn, there are hearts aching for reconciliation. Lives changed forever because someone is being true to who they are. I think that is the piece that does seem selfish to me. In any relationship, if someone puts pressure on someone else to conform and be who they want them to be instead of who they are just to gain acceptance. In any normal relationship my advise would be for them to run. But what do you do if it is your parent telling you to change or they won’t accept you into the family anymore. That is selfish and unfair of anyone to do, but especially a parent. The one person in the world who should love someone no matter what.

I will say this to anyone rejected by their parent because of their coming out. You are beautiful, and wonderful, and worthy of unconditional love. I am very sorry that your parent could not get past their own issues to accept and love you as you are, but there is nothing wrong with you. You are not broken. You are the same person that you have always been. Your parents should love you unconditionally, and you don’t need to make excuses or allowances for them – they are completely wrong in this situation. You hold your head high and find other people in your life to feel those voids left by your parent. Don’t give up hope, because I have heard many stories of reconciliation after even 50 years. At the same time, don’t wait for their acceptance. Learn to love yourself and live life to the fullest. You deserve happiness, you deserve love.

Dear Me…

8 04 2013

Lately I have thought a lot about the old me. The me that was a much more closed-minded, rigid soul of a person. I often ponder what words would have caused me to become more open-minded and less rigid person earlier than I did on my life’s journey. Here is a letter that I hope I would have listened to back then:

Dear Younger Me,

I am going to say some things that may make you feel uncomfortable. Listen anyway. I know that you tend to get defensive and that comes from your insecurity. Please realize that you can trust me, I have grown to love you over the years much more than you love you now. You have a lot of good to offer this world – spend more time looking at your good qualities and less time focusing on your shortcomings.

I want to talk to you about something very dear to your heart – your church. There are many good people and good things happening there, but there are some things you need to be aware of. First of all, if any leader uses fear tactics to sway you – beware. Fear is NEVER from God, so when your youth leader tells you that Catholics, Mormons, and the like are all going to hell and that if you hang around with them that they will draw you away from God, do NOT believe it. I am still not sure where this mentality came from, but it is garbage. You do not need to fear being drawn away from God by anyone or anything. He loves you more than anything, and you have a heart to seek Him. Trust yourself and your faith and all will be well. Love people, and leave their eternal destiny where it belongs – in God’s hands. That is one thing you do not need to worry about.

Also, when you are told that if you do not tell every single person that you meet about Jesus, and they end up in hell, then on Judgement Day their blood will be poured on your hands – literally – don’t take that on. That is entirely too much pressure for a young person, or any other person. Can you imagine if a human was responsible for the eternal destiny of every other human? Eternity is God’s job – not yours. Again – Love people, and leave their eternal destiny where it belongs – in God’s hands. Trust me, He is capable of handling things.

Are you still with me? Take a deep breath before you read the next part. Everything you have ever been taught or told about homosexuality is false. Everything – all of it. Yes, I realize you have seen that in the bible and this is not making sense to you. I know that fear and unbelief are rising up inside your chest right now. Take some more deep breaths and remember that Jesus is truth – and that God never uses fear. This fear is not from God. This fear is from what you have been falsely taught, and it is ok move past the fear into truth. You will begin to research and will find out some amazing things. For instance, the word homosexuality was added to the bible in the 1940’s and the original Hebrew and Greek are FAR from what the bible says now in many instances, not just about homosexuality. You will learn to take the bible seriously, but it can not be taken literally in many instances. That is fine and dandy, and again there is nothing to fear because the best news is that God is right with you while you are learning and growing. and God is still speaking today. The bible is a great resource, but God is the best resource – tap into Him.

If I haven’t blown your mind already I want to tell you one more thing. One of your children will not be straight. I won’t tell you which one now because I do not want to rob you of the wonderful journey it will be when you find out. I will tell you that they know at a pretty early age and because of your previous stance and beliefs about homosexuality, they are afraid to tell you. The great news is that now that you know the truth, you can alleviate those fears. Talk about it – make sure they know that some people are born different and that it is fine with God and you. God doesn’t make mistakes. Buy more gender neutral toys for all of your kids. Boys can wear pink and girls can play trucks. Open your mind and make your home a more welcoming space for everyone to grow in whatever ways they desire. Life is full of possibilities – open up your mind to them.

One more thing, life is wonderful. I know right now, you must feel overwhelmed with all of this information, and maybe even a bit sad and grieving that life is not what you thought or expected. Allow yourself some time to adjust, but know this – once these truths begin to set you free, your life will be better than ever. You will feel more free to be yourself and that also helps you to allow those around you to be themselves without judging them, and it is a great place to be! Bottom line – just love people exactly as they are, leave the judging to God, although I think He spends much more time loving than any of the other things people accuse Him of. Just love people and the rest will fall into place.

Peace out – Me