A Parent’s Love…

17 04 2013

As a parent, I can not imagine anything that would keep me from loving my kids. Maybe all parents love their kids, they just don’t accept them. There is a large percentage of LGBT kids and adults who have been rejected by one or both parents. I meet them all the time. Every single story breaks my heart, both for the parents and their children. It is really a no win situation for everyone.

I guess, as a parent, I wonder what would be stronger than your love for your child. Let me tell you right up front – I do not know the answer. I do know for me that it was hard when my son came out – but I wanted desperately to understand it all. That is why I started seeking out answers. Answers from Christians who are open and affirming of LGBT people, answers from people I trusted, basic information on what bisexuality means – I had no clue.

Maybe that is another clue – what would keep them so fearful that they wouldn’t want to figure it out. It is almost like they are stuck in quicksand or something. The draw to stay stuck seems stronger than the love that would propel them to move forward into education. Maybe it is a deep fear of what people will think? Maybe they already feel inadequate so they are afraid this will reflect that they were not a good parent? Maybe they really are so wrapped up in themselves that they can’t put their child’s feelings above their own?

I make them sound selfish, and I don’t mean to. I just don’t get it. I do not understand. Maybe they have such a deep belief that God thinks it is wrong, that they fear for their own salvation if they condone or approve of what they consider “sinful” or “unacceptable” behavior. Maybe they are not even religious, but culture norms are so engrained in them that the idea of homosexuality disgusts them?

I don’t have the answers. I wish I did. Because today as the world continues to turn, there are hearts aching for reconciliation. Lives changed forever because someone is being true to who they are. I think that is the piece that does seem selfish to me. In any relationship, if someone puts pressure on someone else to conform and be who they want them to be instead of who they are just to gain acceptance. In any normal relationship my advise would be for them to run. But what do you do if it is your parent telling you to change or they won’t accept you into the family anymore. That is selfish and unfair of anyone to do, but especially a parent. The one person in the world who should love someone no matter what.

I will say this to anyone rejected by their parent because of their coming out. You are beautiful, and wonderful, and worthy of unconditional love. I am very sorry that your parent could not get past their own issues to accept and love you as you are, but there is nothing wrong with you. You are not broken. You are the same person that you have always been. Your parents should love you unconditionally, and you don’t need to make excuses or allowances for them – they are completely wrong in this situation. You hold your head high and find other people in your life to feel those voids left by your parent. Don’t give up hope, because I have heard many stories of reconciliation after even 50 years. At the same time, don’t wait for their acceptance. Learn to love yourself and live life to the fullest. You deserve happiness, you deserve love.

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4 responses

17 04 2013
alexkellyoc

I am bisexual and an Atheist. I am one of these people, whose parents rejected the coming out and ever since, try to make my life suck one way or another. My mother, to be precise, because my parents are divorced. My whole family, as a whole, is homophobic and despite I am bisexual, they really do not see the difference. The thought that I “love women…” scares my “family” and makes them act even worse than before.

1 05 2013
rainbowicecream

Sorry for the late reply AlexKelly – I am so sorry for the hurt of the rejection from your parents. I am sure they are afraid – fear makes people do weird things. I hope you have found a group of support to replace your family – who are the ones with the problem,not you! Remember it is up to you to live your truth and their reaction is just that – theirs. Do not take on the negativity. I hope you grow more in your confidence in who you are all of the time. I am always happy to meet other bisexuals. Other than my son, I know very few bisexuals. I hope you are finding a great place for yourself in the world. Hopefully over time, your family will come around. message me any time at mgrabbe1008@msn.com . HUGS!!

2 05 2013
alexkellyoc

My family will never be okay with that but I don’t care much now honestly said. At first, it was painful for me since I wanted their support but now I don’t. I have friends on which I can count on 100% . I am doing okay with my life and try to help other bisexuals as well-it’s a sort of a mission that I decided to start because this is a problem as you know…
And do not worry about the late comment-I do realize that we all have our lives outside of the blogs.

6 05 2013
samesides

I wasn’t sure how to contact you other than through a comment on your blog. I wanted to spread the word about a student of mine who is a senior (I am his English teacher). He is a wonderful, out, gay kid who is writing a blog for his independent study with me. I wanted to give you the link because I know that you will support him. Peace.

Emily
http://thesametoken.wordpress.com/2013/05/04/you/

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