25 07 2013

Today is our 26th Wedding Anniversary. It is a happy day, mostly, but there is a part of me that just can’t totally celebrate. I am sad that 26 years ago, same-sex unions were not legal anywhere on earth. Denmark was the first country to legally recognize same-sex unions in 1989. That was two years after our wedding.

I know that my relationship is not any different from any of my friends who are in same-sex relationships. They love just as deeply as my husband and I do, yet, they are made, by society, to feel as if their love is somehow lacking. Their love is a “cheaper” version of love than a heterosexual couple experiences. Their love doesn’t deserve to be recognized or celebrated – and that is just absurd

So, it is a bit hard to be 100% happy and excited on this anniversary knowing that every single day people are being denied equal rights in this country simply based on the gender of the person they love. I know things are moving forward. That is encouraging, but for those waiting today, the pace seems much too slow.

Today, I also look back on who I was 26 years ago. I was so ignorant, but had no idea. I never questioned the things my church was teaching me about homosexuality, or anything else. I remember some controversy because a woman had been teaching a class on Wednesday nights and they made her stop because people were upset about it. I can remember as a teenager that did not sit well within my soul. But I was shown scripture about a woman not teaching a man and so that was that. I have no idea why I didn’t question it. I think probably I had the wrong impression of God. I thought God was a MAN who would not want to be questioned. The God I knew then was a different God than I know now, only He hasn’t really changed, I have. I now know that God is the God who wants us to be genuine. He wants us to yell and scream and question, as humans that is the only way to figure out how deep our faith is and why it is even there. We must wrestle with God just as Jacob did.

Dear sweet Jacob. My Jacob, not the bible Jacob. My sweet queer son Jacob. Twenty – six years ago I didn’t even know I would have a son, much less a bisexual one. What a journey. What a gift. I have no idea who my son will fall in love with. He may fall in love with a woman, and then the world would all be OK with it. He may fall in love with a man and then some in this world will never see him as equal. The problem is, whether he falls in love with a man or a woman, he is still queer. He isn’t changing, the perception of him is. I could care less who he falls in love with. I just want him to be free to love and for his love to be seen the same either way. Love should not be cheapened or discounted just because someone does not understand it. With all the hurt and pain in this world, love should be something that is celebrated 100%, in all relationships.

I hope as each year goes by, we see more and more equality and freedom to love. Love is a gift to be celebrated.



22 07 2013

As a person, I only have so much energy to spread around. My energy supply is not endless. I can not just give endlessly, although it would be nice.

I am always willing to give anyone a chance, and then even a second chance. Once it become obvious that they are not seeking to actually hear a different view and just want to argue, I am learning to walk away. I have always been a person of perpetual hope, I always believe people and things can and will change. It is a hard lesson for me to understand that people must want change. I could talk until I am blue in the face, but they will not hear anything I say unless they want to. And let’s face it, some people just don’t want to hear anything that differs from their point of view.

The other day I was upset about some Christians who were spreading their ignorance about marriage equality. My son very wisely looked me in the eye and said, “Mom. There is still a group of Christians who are racist. They use scripture to back up their beliefs and say they love God. They are the KKK. You are NOT going to convince the entire world that being queer is OK.”

I have a wise kid. So, from now on, I will recognize my limited energy and try to use it in places where it will make a difference. And as hard as it is to do, I will walk away from the ignorance and hope that someone else will come along that they will choose to listen to. Letting go can be very freeing indeed.

Breaking Stereotypes One Boob at a Time

4 07 2013

I understand bisexual stereotypes, I used to have plenty of them myself. I could not for the life of me understand how anyone could be attracted to both sexes. I suppose that is because I am a straight up, heterosexual woman, no pun intended. I now understand bisexuality as a much more beautiful thing. My son doesn’t really see gender, he sees deep into someone’s soul. He is attracted to people depending on their inner beauty, not their outward appearance.

This brings me to today’s topic. It is interesting that most people’s perception of bisexuality is that they would just hook up with anyone. I am sure there are bisexual people who do, just like there are heterosexuals and gay people who do. What cracks me up about my kid is that if someone is dressed very provocatively he won’t even give them a second glance. Last night we were at a rodeo, there were plenty of short shorts and cleavage. One cute girl passed  by who did have quite a bit hanging out up top, if you follow. I said, “She is cute, Jake.” His response: “She probably has an STD.” Of course, I laughed pretty hard at that, but then this truth struck me. The truth that he breaks most of the stereotypes that I have ever thought or heard about bisexual people.

Don’t get me wrong, he is a 20-year-old man and can appreciate a beautiful body just like the rest of us. I think as humans we don’t need to be ashamed of our bodies and we certainly are weird as far as the amount of sex that is used in advertising in this country yet no one is actually talking about sex. It isn’t healthy in my opinion, but that is a topic for another day. I am talking about breaking stereotypes here. I can assure you that I now know several bisexual people and all the ones I know are just as picky about who they date as my kid is.

Could it be that bisexual people actually have it right? They are looking at the soul of people and looking for beauty there. Nothing superficial or shallow appeals to them, they are seeking true inner beauty. And here I had lumped them all into the slutty, whore category for years. Shame on me.