25 07 2013

Today is our 26th Wedding Anniversary. It is a happy day, mostly, but there is a part of me that just can’t totally celebrate. I am sad that 26 years ago, same-sex unions were not legal anywhere on earth. Denmark was the first country to legally recognize same-sex unions in 1989. That was two years after our wedding.

I know that my relationship is not any different from any of my friends who are in same-sex relationships. They love just as deeply as my husband and I do, yet, they are made, by society, to feel as if their love is somehow lacking. Their love is a “cheaper” version of love than a heterosexual couple experiences. Their love doesn’t deserve to be recognized or celebrated – and that is just absurd

So, it is a bit hard to be 100% happy and excited on this anniversary knowing that every single day people are being denied equal rights in this country simply based on the gender of the person they love. I know things are moving forward. That is encouraging, but for those waiting today, the pace seems much too slow.

Today, I also look back on who I was 26 years ago. I was so ignorant, but had no idea. I never questioned the things my church was teaching me about homosexuality, or anything else. I remember some controversy because a woman had been teaching a class on Wednesday nights and they made her stop because people were upset about it. I can remember as a teenager that did not sit well within my soul. But I was shown scripture about a woman not teaching a man and so that was that. I have no idea why I didn’t question it. I think probably I had the wrong impression of God. I thought God was a MAN who would not want to be questioned. The God I knew then was a different God than I know now, only He hasn’t really changed, I have. I now know that God is the God who wants us to be genuine. He wants us to yell and scream and question, as humans that is the only way to figure out how deep our faith is and why it is even there. We must wrestle with God just as Jacob did.

Dear sweet Jacob. My Jacob, not the bible Jacob. My sweet queer son Jacob. Twenty – six years ago I didn’t even know I would have a son, much less a bisexual one. What a journey. What a gift. I have no idea who my son will fall in love with. He may fall in love with a woman, and then the world would all be OK with it. He may fall in love with a man and then some in this world will never see him as equal. The problem is, whether he falls in love with a man or a woman, he is still queer. He isn’t changing, the perception of him is. I could care less who he falls in love with. I just want him to be free to love and for his love to be seen the same either way. Love should not be cheapened or discounted just because someone does not understand it. With all the hurt and pain in this world, love should be something that is celebrated 100%, in all relationships.

I hope as each year goes by, we see more and more equality and freedom to love. Love is a gift to be celebrated.




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