Weird Place…

17 10 2013

I am in a weird place. I doubt I am the first human to be in this space, but it is a first for me. My faith is not diminishing, but my faith in organized religion is. I have felt for a long time that it is hard to be associated with a group that brings so much judgment and discourse to the world. This is not new. A visit through history will confirm this. For a religion based on “Love God with your whole heart” and “Love your neighbor as yourself”, there has not been a whole heck of a lot of loving going on. We have killed and hurt a lot of folks in the name of “saving” them. Look at the Crusades – war in the name of Jesus. Or what people did to Native Americans in the name of salvation, refusing to let them speak their own language, taking kids away from their parents and putting them into Children’s homes to help them become “civilized”. What were those people thinking?! I guess they thought they were actually on a mission from God.

This is where my problem comes in, the God I know and love isn’t hurting people, He is loving them. Right now my church is doing LGBT education in preparation for a vote in November on performing Same-Sex blessings. That should be exciting! But for some reason, which I can’t explain, it is not sitting well with me. I can not even pin down the reason why. Is it the naysayers? Is it the fact that we are presenting “both” sides of the argument? As far as “both” sides of the argument, I guess I feel like the “traditional” side has had plenty of years to shove what they think down everyone’s throats. After all, the “traditional” side has been the only side we have heard until about 40 years ago. Is It just me, or does it seem odd that people were categorized as mentally ill all based on what was written in an ancient religious book?

Ah – I think I just found my source of discourse! Writing is such good therapy! I always discover something about myself when I write. I am angry that the bible is used as a weapon against people. I think people don’t really read the bible to find God so much as to find excuses to behave they way they want to behave. I mean that book is full of weird stories – a person could probably justify just about anything using that book. I am pretty sure that is not how God intended it to be used.

Bottom line, I don’t know what is right for anyone, except for myself. I do not know if I can continue to be associated with Christianity, yet I love Christ. It is a very unsettling place to be. I wish Jesus would show up and have a cup of coffee this morning and tell me what to do. I guess that would require no faith, so what would be the point? I want the mystery of my faith, I want my relationship with my God. It is like that saying: “I love God, but his followers are driving me crazy”. That is exactly how I feel. Yet, maybe that is what challenges me to love more, show more compassion, and be more like Jesus? Maybe I am being called to love even when I don’t feel like it. If I extend love to the ones I see as unlovable, I would be doing what I want them to do. I guess I will just start with me for today. I am the only person I can control anyway.