“Unsafe”

20 01 2014

I had an odd experience recently. I have tossed around whether to talk about it here or not. I decided to blog here, and anyone who follows my blog will see it, but I won’t share it on Facebook.

A friend added me to a secret Facebook group. It was for moms of LGBT kids. At first it seemed like a good group to be in. Although I do a lot of LGBT work, I don’t have a lot of friends who are moms of LGBT kids, and there is certainly a special bond there. I began to enjoy the group, and over a few weeks became quite comfortable being myself there. There were some things that rubbed me a bit wrong. For instance, there were moms whose kids had been out many years and they said they still cried over it. Oh – forgot to mention this was an exclusively Christian group. I just found a lot of it sad. People still in bondage over legalism and worried about their LGBT kid’s salvation. Anyway, I had some weird vibes at times, but the group is open to people of all acceptance levels, so I didn’t think too much about it.

So, I had been in the group maybe three weeks and I received a Facebook message that was, well, to be honest, just downright weird and rude all mixed together. This person claimed that I had offended several people in the group. She went on to say that I obviously had the gift of prophesy, and some other really confusing things that I had no idea to what she was referring and ended with a story of a friend recently reprimanding her and so she knew I would take this in love. It is probably the oddest letter that I have ever received.

I was mortified, embarrassed, and just felt terrible. I can be a bit dingy, so I was unsure of what I could have possibly said that was offensive, but figured I must have said something in a wrong way. This also brought up my personal baggage of not being good enough and rejection. Since the letter had not been kind, I didn’t feel this woman was trustworthy to respond kindly to questions. It took me a few days, but I finally replied and asked her to tell me exactly what I had said that was offensive, and to please leave out all drama, just tell me the specifics. OH – I should mention that I wrote an apology post to the group for anyone that I had offended, and told whoever was thinking of leaving because of me, to please stay, that I would leave instead. And I had left the group. I will say, I had no less than 50 messages from members of the group begging me to come back.

So, my “drama-free” response was very long and well, full of drama and guilt tripping. Basically, it boiled down to a post that had been removed where I supposedly told someone to “get over it” – which I can not even imagine myself saying. I will never know since she didn’t post the comment, but whatever I said, I am certain it was misinterpreted. But my BIG offense was when a woman said a “well-meaning” friend had given them a book to give to their daughter on reparative therapy. She was asking what she should do. I told her “do NOT give that book to your daughter…” and went on to explain what happened not too long after my son came out and a “well-meaning” friend sent him a video on “praying away the gay”. He spent the next 2 weeks suicidal and sleeping on my bedroom floor at night. And you know what? If that was my big offense – I am not sorry. I would give her that same advise again. It is good advise and the truth. I am sorry if she didn’t want to hear it, that doesn’t change the fact that reparative therapy is shaming and damaging.

I still get messages from women asking me to join that group again. I never will. Oh – I forgot to mention that when I wrote this woman back, and I admit I was a bit sharp in my reply the last time, I was pissed when I found out what I had done that was “offensive”. Here I had wasted two weeks crying and feeling awful because I had done something terrible, and found out I did nothing terrible at all!! I know that she has a very different opinion, but she can carry on in La La Land if she would like – I know that there is no cure for homosexuality, because you can’t fix something that is not broken. Anyway, her response was that she was glad I had shown my “true colors” and that I am obviously not safe for the group. That is right lady – if you want to live in your La La Land and not grow or change, then do not hang around me, because I will challenge your back woods thinking every time. I used to live in those back woods too, and I know how freeing it is when you get chased out of there!! As far as showing my “true colors”? Well, you bet I did and will just keep flying them high and loud and strong. Just try to get me to set down this rainbow flag, it isn’t going to happen anytime soon, I assure you!

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