“Unsafe”

20 01 2014

I had an odd experience recently. I have tossed around whether to talk about it here or not. I decided to blog here, and anyone who follows my blog will see it, but I won’t share it on Facebook.

A friend added me to a secret Facebook group. It was for moms of LGBT kids. At first it seemed like a good group to be in. Although I do a lot of LGBT work, I don’t have a lot of friends who are moms of LGBT kids, and there is certainly a special bond there. I began to enjoy the group, and over a few weeks became quite comfortable being myself there. There were some things that rubbed me a bit wrong. For instance, there were moms whose kids had been out many years and they said they still cried over it. Oh – forgot to mention this was an exclusively Christian group. I just found a lot of it sad. People still in bondage over legalism and worried about their LGBT kid’s salvation. Anyway, I had some weird vibes at times, but the group is open to people of all acceptance levels, so I didn’t think too much about it.

So, I had been in the group maybe three weeks and I received a Facebook message that was, well, to be honest, just downright weird and rude all mixed together. This person claimed that I had offended several people in the group. She went on to say that I obviously had the gift of prophesy, and some other really confusing things that I had no idea to what she was referring and ended with a story of a friend recently reprimanding her and so she knew I would take this in love. It is probably the oddest letter that I have ever received.

I was mortified, embarrassed, and just felt terrible. I can be a bit dingy, so I was unsure of what I could have possibly said that was offensive, but figured I must have said something in a wrong way. This also brought up my personal baggage of not being good enough and rejection. Since the letter had not been kind, I didn’t feel this woman was trustworthy to respond kindly to questions. It took me a few days, but I finally replied and asked her to tell me exactly what I had said that was offensive, and to please leave out all drama, just tell me the specifics. OH – I should mention that I wrote an apology post to the group for anyone that I had offended, and told whoever was thinking of leaving because of me, to please stay, that I would leave instead. And I had left the group. I will say, I had no less than 50 messages from members of the group begging me to come back.

So, my “drama-free” response was very long and well, full of drama and guilt tripping. Basically, it boiled down to a post that had been removed where I supposedly told someone to “get over it” – which I can not even imagine myself saying. I will never know since she didn’t post the comment, but whatever I said, I am certain it was misinterpreted. But my BIG offense was when a woman said a “well-meaning” friend had given them a book to give to their daughter on reparative therapy. She was asking what she should do. I told her “do NOT give that book to your daughter…” and went on to explain what happened not too long after my son came out and a “well-meaning” friend sent him a video on “praying away the gay”. He spent the next 2 weeks suicidal and sleeping on my bedroom floor at night. And you know what? If that was my big offense – I am not sorry. I would give her that same advise again. It is good advise and the truth. I am sorry if she didn’t want to hear it, that doesn’t change the fact that reparative therapy is shaming and damaging.

I still get messages from women asking me to join that group again. I never will. Oh – I forgot to mention that when I wrote this woman back, and I admit I was a bit sharp in my reply the last time, I was pissed when I found out what I had done that was “offensive”. Here I had wasted two weeks crying and feeling awful because I had done something terrible, and found out I did nothing terrible at all!! I know that she has a very different opinion, but she can carry on in La La Land if she would like – I know that there is no cure for homosexuality, because you can’t fix something that is not broken. Anyway, her response was that she was glad I had shown my “true colors” and that I am obviously not safe for the group. That is right lady – if you want to live in your La La Land and not grow or change, then do not hang around me, because I will challenge your back woods thinking every time. I used to live in those back woods too, and I know how freeing it is when you get chased out of there!! As far as showing my “true colors”? Well, you bet I did and will just keep flying them high and loud and strong. Just try to get me to set down this rainbow flag, it isn’t going to happen anytime soon, I assure you!

Advertisements

Actions

Information

3 responses

20 01 2014
Rachel

Obviously, the only comments anyone could make to this woman that wouldn’t be “offensive” would be comments that are in agreement with what she believes. So sorry that you were upset by this. Any comments or advice you would give someone would be from your loving heart and would be given to help, not hurt. That group will be less than now that you’ve left it. Your thoughts and words are better used elsewhere. Love you!

20 01 2014
RNTomlinson

It’s quite clear that this women believes only her opinion is the correct one, and that yours is invalid purely because it does not agree with hers.

What utter tosh.

Sorry to see you decided to leave the group, if anyone should have left, it should have been her!

28 01 2014
pflagdad

Michelle, I say go back. Those few that are closed minded and criticize you will never change. No matter what you say, they will always ignore it and have another argument. Just ignore them. I’ve learned to not respond to them, it’s a waste of energy and effort. Think about the 50 (wow!) who asked you to return; they know the hateful response you got is wrong. You must have said something that they liked or even helped re-form their opinions. You never know who you will touch. There may be a mom in the group who is unable to express her feelings or ask a question, and something you say will help her to accept her child. The “Taliban” win if they run you out of town! Hang in there! M.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: